It’s that time of the year where my energy for blogging is just completely sapped so I think it’s time for a break. It’s been a long long road, these last 8 years, and it gets hard sometimes to keep up the pace. I have invested a lot of time and energy in blogging about GSK and Seroxat and to be honest, I’ve had some real bad experiences along the way too. I have learned that you can trust very few people in this kind of arena, as most people have an agenda, or are out for themselves. There are, however, people such as Bob Fiddaman and Leonie Fennell who I would literally trust with my life. These two people are fearless, selfless mental health campaigners who have undoubtedly saved lives through their activism. We all have. I have no doubt about that now.
There are many more people, who I have met along the way, who have been inspiring; too many to list here now.
The information that we (as mental health bloggers, pharmaceutical critics, and activists) have provided over the years has done a lot of good. However, activism can also be very draining. I don’t often talk about my own personal problems, or issues, and I’m not going to start now, but what I will say is, nobody ever fully recovers after being through something like Seroxat, particularly if you took it long term and had a protracted withdrawal. There is nervous system damage, and strange long term symptoms (which only others who have experienced it would understand). Sudden noises still make me jump, the nightmares never went away, and there is always that dark void (which nearly 4 years on Seroxat is bound to cause) rumbling away in your psyche.
You don’t get sympathy for drug damage and there really is no cure, or even treatment, because the medical profession just doesn’t want to acknowledge it. It’s a can of worms which they dare not open. So in affect, you are punished twice, once on the drug and then forever after it for the damage. You’re kinda left feeling a bit like a freak (and I’m sure some of my ‘enemies’ out there would love to hear that- but it’s true so there you go).
The damage can’t be undone, but I need to rest for a while, and maybe turn my mind to other things. I don’t have a lot, but I do have my soul, it’s often all I have to keep me going, and I need to protect it for a while, at least until I am stronger. The blog always pulls me back in because getting the word out about all this stuff is just too damn important, and I’m sure I’ll get sucked back in sometime in the future, but I’m definitely taking a break for now.
Thanks for comments, follows and tweets (they are all valued), but most importantly, thanks for reading. Catch you all soon :)